YKINMK = Your kink is not my kink (and it’s variants): the attitude of accepting that what turns other people on might not float your boat, but that’s OK and you don’t have a problem with it.
I’ve not thought about YKINMK much as it’s rarely something I have experienced, but I guess I see YKINMK as an advertisement for what is wrong with society.
Why? There is an acronym that is used to show tolerance; to indicate that a person is OK with the idea that other people enjoy different things in the bedroom to them? Surely YKINMK should be the default position for mankind and for society, we shouldn’t judge other people by their preferences in the bedroom/dungeon/beach/etc. I find that premise quite worrying in itself.
But this attitude of sexual tolerance should go further.
I am a secularist and an atheist. While I find religion to be regressive and dangerous, I willingly accept that religious beliefs are everyone’s choice to make. I therefore, don’t advocate the abolition of religion like many atheists I know, but would like their religious views to be contained within the church and not espoused in my children’s schools or the political arena.
One reason, is that in my mind religion is fantastically good at forcing intolerance and conservatism onto the general populace.
I have a good friend who is deeply religious: I say he is a borderline Christian fundamentalist, but we go back a long way and are really good friends. There are very few views we share in common: for one, he is vehemently anti-gay and anti-gay marriage, and we have had several long arguments about it.
My attitude towards homosexuality is very much along the lines of YKINMK: I am not gay, but I fully accept that others are, and that’s fine; I don’t have a problem with it. I don’t want them to be discriminated against, so fully support the quest for more rights. Likewise, I am not a scat lover, but will never discriminate against those who like to be knee deep in poo. Nor have I ever visited a prostitute, but believe sex workers and their clients should not be criminalised or persecuted. And so on.
If consensual parties wish to come together to enjoy themselves in a way that does not harm anyone else, then I rarely see the problem. The moral code I have will never seek to impose intolerances and prejudices inside people’s houses and bedrooms.
I quite like the principle of abolishing Fairtrade and replacing it with “EvilTrade” for those products and companies that treat their suppliers with contempt and unfairness, with such companies forced to display the EvilTrade logo. Why should it be a badge of pride that companies can display a logo that says, “we aren’t doing evil here?” So, I would love to see the idea of YKINMK flipped and instead be the default position where people indicate if they are not comfortable with different desires, dreams, urges and fantasies to them.
I guess I want to believe that most people are honestly OK with all kinks, and just may not turned on by some of them. Society is a kaleidoscope of desires, sexualities, races and beliefs. And if the entire world stops seeing that as a problem, I think mankind will make the biggest progressive leap forward it has ever done.
But maybe, this is just the height of naivety.
And I’d love to hear from anyone who has a point of view on this?
Featured image from here.