… I just enjoy receiving pain from my wife. 😉
I do have a problem with being labelled as a masochist, and feel slightly awkward using that word in a positive sense, as it stems from the etymology of the word – masochism – from the author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. Von Sacher-Masoch, wrote a number of books, but only one is available in English, Venus in Furs, and I loathe it. I hate the wimpy character, Gregor; I hate the prose; I hate the presumption that because I like to submit to my wife, I am weak. I am not.
There would be no domination without my submission; there would no play if I utter the safeword. By submitting it does not make me weak, and I resent the implication that it does. And yet every time I utter the word “masochism” it’s what it means and conjures up for me: I am weak. Using this word so readily, I believe only serves to perpetuate the myth that I have no choice but to yield.
To me, it flies in the face of what BDSM is about, and certainly what it means to me. I am loved by my wife and I love her; our play is risk-aware and she is always highly aware of all the risks, and my state of mind. She may cause me pain but she never hurts me, yet in the book Wanda does not care for her partner, and becomes oblivious to his needs. It perpetrates just as much ignorance as a recent yet highly popular BDSM-based trilogy. I despise it.
I do adore the work of the Marquis de Sade: 120 Days of Sodom is one of the most powerful books I have ever read, so to me, sadism works well, and while the Marquis wrote about extreme forms of sadism, I understand the rationale behind using this word. But for some reason we chose the author of Venus in Furs to title the practice of receiving pain and not one of the myriad of other talented authors who write fantastic tales about submission and erotic pain in a positive way.
There is no alternative in the English language that I know of to indicate I get sexual pleasure through receiving pain and I don’t know what term I would prefer to someone who likes the act of spanking, caning and receiving impact play. Answers on a postcard please ….
But I am not ever going to be a masochist!