Flash Fiction Friday: Hey Satan, we need to talk!

Key Words: Wild, Found, Saved (use all three)
Word Limit: 300
Forbidden Words: Dirty
Bonus Words: Let her speak, but it’s not going to be understood
Extra Credit: When was the last time you played outside?

He sat impatiently, tapping his foot as I screamed. Yelled and bellowed in shock, in fear and in horror.

Red skin, bald head, two horns, a tail, and holding a trident; I was scared. He was sat at my desk, reading my e-mails as I sauntered into my office after a long lunch. My food nearly made a reappearance.

“Finished?” He asked as I stopped bawling, his eyes returning to my computer. “You’re quite the wild pervert, aren’t you? Even I’m squirming at this one and I’m all evil!”

“Ummm … well … Jesus … fuckin’ hell!”

“Yes, we do sometimes fuck in Hell!” He joked, but I didn’t laugh.

“You’re the Devil?

“I know. You’re the Bawdy Bloke.”

“Fuck! How did you know? Who told you?”

“I know everything.” He spun in my rotating chair to face me. “Sit down, I’m not here to hurt you. Well, not today anyway.” I gulped, my innards feeling queasy as I fell against the wall, staring at the creature from the underworld.

“Did you know, that you are one of my best referrers? So many people have slipped from St Peter’s good list after reading your twisted mind with no hope of ever being saved! I’ve got circles upon circles of souls thanks to you and I have stacks more on the way.”

“Ummm …” What do you say to that?

“But I’m a reforming Satan. It’s a tough world out there so I’ve come up with an affiliate scheme to encourage the proliferation of perversion. For every ten souls I ensnare thanks to you, I’ll drop something your way. Have a think what you want for your loyalty, send me an e-mail, and I’ll sort.”

“The devil has e-mail?”

“Sure!” He tittered as his rose to his feet, his tail sweeping behind him. “I invented it. To cause mischief, arguments and a general lack of productivity. E-mail’s my creation. So is Twitter, the DVLA and vacuum-sealed packaging.”

“Right …” I muttered. “What sort of thing can I ask for?”

“I’ve seen your writing. You’ll think of something perverted and depraved.” I hummed. “Oh, and keep writing,” he suggested with a wry smile. “We’re very busy, and my demons love you!”

He left me his e-mail on my notepad, I responded with my wish a few days later after pondering the ethics of making a deal with Satan. Eventually, I found my cojones and e-mailed the most evil creature in the world to ask for a “filthy slut.”

I think there might be a language barrier.


Her eyes, as brown as the mud on her skin, sparkled. My torch illuminated the giant air pocket. Coloured crystals adorned the wall, mud and silt lined the floor.

Only ten minutes previous, we had noticed a small fissure in the rock as we had explored the newly discovered system underneath Derbyshire; my caving partner had wanted to search the small inlet.

The spelunker was not dissuaded by the narrow opening, or the tight bends in the hole, leaving her equipment and clothes behind.

It was madness; the Scottish wildchild shedding garments before disappearing into the dark crevice with just a torch and an emergency radio. I had to follow her.

The turns in the rock were far more difficult for my bigger frame to navigate that the lithe and flexible girl I was chasing. “It’s beautiful,” her voice cried before I reached the cavern. “We’ve found a wonderful place.”

She wasn’t wrong; the naked girl padded on the soft filth as I massaged the cuts on my thigh. We were both filthy. Mud, silt and earth clung to my body as I pointlessly tried to brush the dirt free.

“I’ve heard of skinny dipping, but skinny caving?”

She chortled at me, sliding her hands over my dirtied skin. “Ahh, but skinny caving has other advantages,” she cooed, rubbing my chest and gripping my cock tightly. “Haven’t you ever wanted to fuck a mile into the earth.”

I groaned as she pumped my cock into an erection. “Join the Mile Low Club.”

Her tongue swept into mine, kissing me through the earthy dust as we heard a tumbling of rocks.

“Shit!” I said, running to our entrance. “It’s blocked. Call for assistance,” I moaned as I tugged at the fallen boulder.

She smiled, rubbing her muddy nipples. “Come back. I don’t want to be saved. Not just yet.”

Flash Fiction Friday: Read all the entries at Advizor's Blog

Image from FFF site. 

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  1. I adored that first story John! I knew the Devil invented twitter but I thought it was some kind of punishment for writers and was designed to squirrel away our time so deadlines went unnoticed and agents/editors really had a reason to hate us. Of course it all makes so much more sense now. Think the devil will let me join that affiliate program? I’m sure I’ve sent more than a few souls his way in my time -))

    The second story almost makes me want to add the Mile Low club to my bucket list but not quite. All I can see after reading that is low hanging fruit and we are not talking apples here. What can I say? My mind works in very mysterious ways but the story make me think and that can never be a bad thing…
    CliticalJenne recently posted…Flash Fiction Challenge: Wild One!My Profile

  2. Vacuum Packaging! I knew that was his.

    The first one made me laugh, of course, it’s kind of like the little guy playing piano on the bar, “I asked for a 9″ Penis but the connection was bad.”

    The 2nd one, now that’s a caving expedition I can support. Reminds me of getting a flat tire on a quiet country road and her asking me “don’t fix it just yet.” Good memories.

    Thanks for joining in and for recruiting your dirty minded friends!! :-)
    advizor54 recently posted…Flash Fiction Friday 8/22 – My Wild ChildMy Profile

  3. You do Great work, and you pleased the Devil himself; plus you get to make requests! Awesome!! I guess he has my soul because I’m a convert to your perversions! Thank You Very Much!

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